I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
