I CAN MOONWALK!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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