I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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