Have you finally orgasmed yet?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just gargled with NyQuil
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
