I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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