From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
