i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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