He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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