ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
do nipples grow back?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
