I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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