there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
