so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
