don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
