He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
