K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
