i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
