I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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