Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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