Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
