i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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