we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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