I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
