i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
