oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
