U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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