So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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