i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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