I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
