there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
