I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
