I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
