We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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