so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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