Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
