Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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