It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my being single is dangerous.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
