I'm jealous of your bromance
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
