It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
