Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
