the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
