community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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