oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
