You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
