don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hippo gnu deer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
