omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
