i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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