i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dicks are not precious.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
