I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
