ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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