Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize