I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
